always thinking never doing

I got my old job back at Horizon. Today is day three. I woke up feeling like someone had been torturing me all night. You know that kind of torture where they pull you apart slowly by your wrists and your ankles?

It's so weird to be back there. I have major sensory memories. The first day, it all came rushing back, and I felt like I was back in 2007. Even though it's a different warehouse, sometimes I feel like I'm back at the old place because the layout is basically the same. I'm feeling very maudlin and I hate that she won't even speak to me now.

I deserve it.

Now I am rolling into summer but it doesn't feel like summer. It doesn't really feel like anything. I feel like I am waiting for something to happen. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for a catastrophe.

I think I just need to go back to school.

I wanna hold you, wanna hold you tight

Camera Obscura

Just a dream.

Last night I lived in a house by the sea. I was walking down the waterfront when the water started to rise. Everyone stopped and looked at the waves in awe until they started to grow bigger and bigger and get closer and closer. They all ran away, but I stayed and watched the 40 ft waves crash into the shore. The water threatened to take me away with it, but I stayed. Then, the water began to recede, the tide was going out, or so I thought. The middle of the sea parted, like Moses parting the red sea, and this sand bank was there that you could walk down for forever. But, on the sides of the sand bank the 40 ft waves still crashed into the shore. I walked away thinking, this is it, the end of the world. It came early.

I wish I had woken up after that part but the dream dragged on. The waves were in the background while I went to school, while I hung out with friends, and everytime they reminded me that the end was near.

Eventually the water began to turn into this jelly. At one point, it was so thick that you could walk on it quickly, like corn starch and water. I thought about the animals in the sea and what they were doing. How they were coping.

During class one day my teacher told us to write a list about angels. I sat through the whole class trying to compile this list but couldn't. She was my highschool math teacher in real life and a totally bitch and in dreamland she was the exact same. I asked her if I could write a short story instead, but she said no. It was almost 11:30 and my next class was about to begin but I couldn't gather my things quickly.

I decided not to go to class and instead went down to the waterfront with my friend Sophie. We looked at the thick water as it slopped against the side of the sea wall and I decided to just jump in. It coated my legs and began to drag me down. The end of the world came too soon, I thought as it dragged me further and further down.

jet slag.

I was looking at my livejournal from 2001. I recaped my new years eve antics. There's some funny stuff in there, but this has to be by far the best line

'I awoke this morning with a moderate hangover thinking "did I really steal a dart?"'

awesome.

I am so tired. It's 20:30 and i just want to crawl into bed.

No paris pt. 2.

Paris is burning pt. 1

After a very uncomfortable 7 hour bus ride, we arrived in paris at 6:30 a.m. I think when I'm writing about time, I'm going to start using the 24 hour clock from now on. Okay. So we arrived at 06:30 and it was freeeeezing cold. We walked up from the bus to the metro and stood there, nervously wondering how to buy a ticket. Anna lost and had to ask her for a day card, but she gave us only one for 2 days instead of 2 for 1 day.

We got off at Opera and saw the Opera house where the phantom of the opera lives. Our bellies started grumbling so we tried to find a McDonalds to get a delcious mcmuffin. No luck. And I had to pee. We ducked into the train station at Saint-Lazare because there was a sign that said toilettes. OMG. Worst idea ever. at 07:30 the train station was packed with commuters on their way to work. It was like a swarm of bees slamming into us over and over again. We ran out of there and into the open arms of a starbucks. I felt bad drinking coffee there but, you know what? It was the best starbucks coffee i've ever tasted. Ever.

After we starbucks, we found a mcdonalds (I know. So bad, but I did have a pain au chocolat from a little stand earlier) and Anna got us 2 bacon and eggers. So fucking gross. I ate a few bites then realized that my egg hadn't been cooked! The yoke was all runny and the white part was all sticky. Sick. Serves me right for trying to eat McDonalds in Paris!

Okay, now we had food. It was time to get the day started. We started by walking down Rue de l'Opera towards the Louvre. I thought we were going to go inside but that thing is HUGE! It would probably take about 2 days to cover everything. Instead, we took pictures of the glass pyramids and made our way to Notre dame. We ended up walking the wrong way, so we walked to the Eiffel Tower instead. On the way there, I noticed that everyone smelled like Jean Paul Gaultier's Classique. So good. I miss me smelling like that.

Our legs were going to fall off, so we stopped in this little park in front of Hotel Les Invalides and shared a beer. It was 10:30, but since we had been up pretty much all night, we didn't totally feel like alcoholics. Plus, it was so pretty there. Even the pigeons were pretty.

The Eiffel tower seemed smaller than anticipated until we got really close to it. We took the regular pictures, but we didn't go up because we would've had to wait in line for about 4-5 hours. I did buy a miniture Eiffel tower statue, which is something I've wanted for a long time. Whenever someone I knows go to Paris, I'm like, "Get me a miniture eiffel tower statue!" and they never do. Now that I know they're like 2 euros I realize my friends are cheap bastards... or should I say, basterds.

We took the bus to Champs Elysees and go off in front of this street market. I found one booth that was all Quebecois. They had no curds, so we kept walking towards the Arc de triumphe. We stopped to see a movie at this old theatre that had a balcony and everything! We saw New Moon and it was so bad. Soooo bad. But, I can see why teens love it. We had to keep our coats and gloves on during the whole film because it was so cold in the theatre. Tee-at-truh.

Anna and I were cranky and hunger which made us HANGRY at each other so a few fights ensued on the Champs. She took a picture of the arc and then I took one and she's all, "WHAT! MY PICTURE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!!" We knew it was time to go to our hotel and go to sleep.

hotel and next day to be continued

Planes in hell part 2

Okay, so I'm in London, and I have to catch my connecting flight to Frankfurt, but I really don't know where to go. I followed the crowd of people until I saw a sign that said "Terminal 4 - contintental." I made my way over there, took my shoes, belt, and jacket off, emptied my pockets, took my lap top out of my bag and went through security only to be told that I had to go to Terminal 1, and I best hurry because the bus was leaving soon!

Once I was on the bus, I noticed something was wrong with my coat. I took my back pack off and discovered the back button had fallen off somewhere (who knows what country) and the piece of fabric that was attached to it was left dangling. Great.

I got off the bus and went to security for Terminal 1 which was about 5 times more busy than security at Terminal 4. I went through all the motions again with removing the shoes, laptop, and belt but for some reason--I beeped. The security guard called me over and told me to spread 'em. Without disengaging in her conversation with the other guard, she felt me up, every single inch of my body. I was hoping that the first person to touch me like in 2 months would've been my wife but plans change. I grabbed my stuff, feeling somewhat dirty, and went to the lobby.

Now that I had slept a bit on the plane, I was able to understand my ticket. My plane wasn't arriving in Frankfurt at 11:45 a.m. it was actually leaving from London at that time. Shiiiiiiiit. I exchanged my american and canadian dollars for a measly 8 pounds. It took 4 pounds to call Anna and tell her that, then my nose started to bleed again.

The plane to Frankfurt was a medium sized one. I had a whole row of seats to myself. There was a screaming baby five rows away from me and the couple behind me had a screaming baby which made my fear of flying evaporate. All I wanted was for that fucking plane to be in the sky so I could put my ipod on and just zone out.

My nose started to bleed again.

After 26 hours, I finally touched down in Germany. Seeing Anna was amazing. Home is where she is. After all that, seeing her face made it all worth it. Let's just hope I don't have to go through that huge ordeal to go back to Canada because there will be no Anna waiting for me there.