This heat wave is never going to end. I woke up this morning so hot I thought I was going to barf. I still feel barfy and now I have to go work in a sweltering kitchen. No puking in the deep fryer.
I got my first sunburn in a long time. I think the last time I burned my shoulders I was 6. I had been swimming all day at Queen Elizabeth pool in Edmonton, and I thought I didn't need to worry since I was under water. I was sadly mistaken. This time I tried to wear sun block, but I wasn't flexible enough to reach the part that got sunburned. It felt real nice to sleep on it all night at Azure's house. Real nice.
Tonight's news at 6 is "Too hot to feel hot and bothered?" this heat is making everyone crazy.
3 more weeks til anna!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
This will choke you
My ribs feel tight. This pressure is literally starting to suffocate me and it's only been two weeks. I have no idea how Eli has dealt with this for the past nine months. It's not really my mom that's drowning me, it's everyone around her. All of a sudden I have become Dr. Jessica, and I feel useless because I don't have any answers. I don't know how to fix this, but I'm trying.
I should've just let the phone go to voicemail, but I expected my mom to eventually answer it, so I beat her to it. It was my Nana, and she didn't want to talk to my mom. She wanted to talk to me. Somehow it seems better if I write this here. It makes it real because none of this feels real. It's like I've stepped into an alternate reality or a nightmare. But it's real.
I hate talking about her behind her back but it's all we do. It's all we can do because she won't listen to us or she constantly makes excuses for everything. She's the master of mind games and manipulation. Fortunately for us, we've picked up some tricks along the way. I just want to stop being scared and worried and anxoius. I don't want to breakdown every few days or have to be full of frustration. I want her to be that happy woman again, working in the yard or going to the beach. I don't want to lose her.
I should've just let the phone go to voicemail, but I expected my mom to eventually answer it, so I beat her to it. It was my Nana, and she didn't want to talk to my mom. She wanted to talk to me. Somehow it seems better if I write this here. It makes it real because none of this feels real. It's like I've stepped into an alternate reality or a nightmare. But it's real.
I hate talking about her behind her back but it's all we do. It's all we can do because she won't listen to us or she constantly makes excuses for everything. She's the master of mind games and manipulation. Fortunately for us, we've picked up some tricks along the way. I just want to stop being scared and worried and anxoius. I don't want to breakdown every few days or have to be full of frustration. I want her to be that happy woman again, working in the yard or going to the beach. I don't want to lose her.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I think I'll eat your heart
I can't stop watching t.v. It's killing my soul. I just sat there and laughed while Peggy fell 10,000 feet and her parachute wouldn't open. I laughed. By the same token, it is making my transition into loneliness a lot easier.
Why does TD bank have to be so far? I have $90.00 worth of coinage that I have to cash in and no vehicle to get me there. The Nanaimo bus system is utter crap. After waiting half an hour for a bus to arrive, Preston and I gave up and took a cab. My poverty doesn't permit me such luxuries anymore. Luxuries is a weird word. Luxur.. ies. Yes, I have gotten into my mom's back medicine again. I just did an Anthony Hopkins impression and it was pretty damn good. I will show my mom now. She said it was good.
I went for lunch with Fiona and her boyfriend, Daniel, today. We wandered around downtown Nanaimo trying to find a place to eat. The Sake House was closed, The Vault had ran of bread (..the fuck?) so we had to settle for Acme, which has become Acme Rib & Sushi home. Weird. I had the sushi and I felt sick for a few hours after.
Now I am going to watch Red Dragon because I am too self-concious to go and play soccer.
Why does TD bank have to be so far? I have $90.00 worth of coinage that I have to cash in and no vehicle to get me there. The Nanaimo bus system is utter crap. After waiting half an hour for a bus to arrive, Preston and I gave up and took a cab. My poverty doesn't permit me such luxuries anymore. Luxuries is a weird word. Luxur.. ies. Yes, I have gotten into my mom's back medicine again. I just did an Anthony Hopkins impression and it was pretty damn good. I will show my mom now. She said it was good.
I went for lunch with Fiona and her boyfriend, Daniel, today. We wandered around downtown Nanaimo trying to find a place to eat. The Sake House was closed, The Vault had ran of bread (..the fuck?) so we had to settle for Acme, which has become Acme Rib & Sushi home. Weird. I had the sushi and I felt sick for a few hours after.
Now I am going to watch Red Dragon because I am too self-concious to go and play soccer.
Friday, July 3, 2009
1
I'm having trouble getting this day started. I woke up at 6 a.m. unable to sleep because it was too hot, and I'm pretty sure the pigeons have found another way into the roof. I could hear them scurrying around again. Why? Well, at least it's not as bad as last year. I could seriously hear eggs rolling around in the rafters. Gross.
I managed to fall asleep again around 8 a.m. where I fell into the weirdest dream ever. Nathan and I were at Costco waiting in line for bread when the power went out. Everyone went crazy because no one could see anything. Knowing that nathan's a smoker, I asked him for his lighter. It didn't take long for everyone to start looting the place. I stole a carton of cigarettes and ran outside. Once outside, I noticed everyone was covered in these thick, yellow worms that were killing them. I ran onto a bus to hide from them but found that all the seats were taken. I had to sit on this big black guys lap. Then this cat that looked more like a fox got on the bus and tried attacking me. I knew if it bit me I'd get rabies and die, but I couldn't go outside because of worms. Some girl got up and wrestled the cat away from me and jumped outside with it. I was like, "Nooooooo! The worms!!!" The bus stopped, and I found a car and started driving towards the arctic. I figured the worms wouldn't be in the cold. Once I was in the mountains, I found a diner and stopped to have coffee and lo and behold Roxanne was sitting at a table! I sat down and had a coffee with her and then I woke up.
Okay. I must go vacuum, dust, and pull some weeds. I don't think I have the power to make my mom's house look like it used to, but I will try my hardest.
I managed to fall asleep again around 8 a.m. where I fell into the weirdest dream ever. Nathan and I were at Costco waiting in line for bread when the power went out. Everyone went crazy because no one could see anything. Knowing that nathan's a smoker, I asked him for his lighter. It didn't take long for everyone to start looting the place. I stole a carton of cigarettes and ran outside. Once outside, I noticed everyone was covered in these thick, yellow worms that were killing them. I ran onto a bus to hide from them but found that all the seats were taken. I had to sit on this big black guys lap. Then this cat that looked more like a fox got on the bus and tried attacking me. I knew if it bit me I'd get rabies and die, but I couldn't go outside because of worms. Some girl got up and wrestled the cat away from me and jumped outside with it. I was like, "Nooooooo! The worms!!!" The bus stopped, and I found a car and started driving towards the arctic. I figured the worms wouldn't be in the cold. Once I was in the mountains, I found a diner and stopped to have coffee and lo and behold Roxanne was sitting at a table! I sat down and had a coffee with her and then I woke up.
Okay. I must go vacuum, dust, and pull some weeds. I don't think I have the power to make my mom's house look like it used to, but I will try my hardest.
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