I would like here this

I have used the phrases "Sprechen Sie deutsch?", "Kein Deutsch", and "I don't speak German" way too much this week. Anna started to get the flu on the way back to Berlin. It hit her full force on Monday night leaving her incapacitated to do anything until today. I had to go to the Apotheka, which is German for a pharmacy, and ask the pharmacist if he could speak English. He didn't really answer, just sort of giggled nervously and made a groaning sound that sounded like a no. Anna had told me what to say to him incase, but I mixed up the words so if translated it would sound like "I would like here this!" Yess... I would like here this. 

The doctor payed a visit to us last night. After it took Anna 20 minutes to find the number for emergency. Apparentely, it varies for each region and city. It's five numbers.. why do German's have to make everything so complicated? Are they like, "911?? Pft! OUR country has FIVE numbers for emergency which means WE'RE smarter because we have to remeber more.. hah!" Yeah or you die because you can't remember the numbers and it's almost impossible to find the number for it and Germany doesn't have operators so you can't even be funny and be like, "Operator! I need the number for 9-1-1!" 

The doctor was a little man who was dressed like he was going to paint a house. His assistant wore a medical mask the entire time and wouldn't even handle the 10 euros that we owed. He tried to tell me something but Berliners speak way too quickly, so all I got out of the sentence was something about our table. I said, "Sorry, I can't speak German.. something on the table?" He looked at me with disgust and then snatched the money out of my hand. Awesome. 

So, I'm fine doing shit on my own. I probably look like a giant idiot because they always ask me something after I've paid and I always say "Nein"

"Have a good day!"
"NEIN!" 

Just another day in East Germany?

Yesterday, we embarked on our journey home from Buchen. It takes about ten hours and four trains. I don't mind it because I am one of those creeps who can fall asleep on moving objects (Except planes when I'm alone) Anyway, we arrived in Erfurt, which is East Germany. A few years ago, it was in the news because of the Erfurt Masscare, where a kid shot a bunch of his teachers. It's also where the neo nazi's tried to hold some demonstration, and it's where we found ourselves surrounded by several dozen swarms of police and hundreds of punk kids dressed head to toe in black. Some wore sunglasses and had scarves wrapped around their faces. It seemed like a party for them as they shouted loudly to each other and spread themselves all over the station. Some sat together, cross-legged, on the floor of the Bahnhof, others held each other and whispered in each others ears while laughing at the cops who stood at the ready with riot gear on their hips. 

After an uncomfortable visit to the bathroom, Anna and I made our way upstairs to the platform. We tried to stay as far away from the ever expanding crowd of punks but we were enclosed by a circle of Police. Anna pointed out that the whole station was surrounded by them. I looked out onto the street and sure enough four or five police cars stood waiting with their lights flashing. 

Our train finally pulled up. As it did, the cops made their way closer to the crowd. One woman cop had a camcorder affixed to a stick so she could record whatever was about to happen. My heart was smashing itself against my chest screaming at me to get the fuck out of there. 

Anna and I boarded our train, along with several punk kids, and two cops. The cops left after ten or so stops but the kids remained. Everyone got off the train except me, Anna, and the punks. They shouted at each other, kicked seats, and lit cigarettes, but they left us alone. 

When we got to Berlin, they were still everywhere. They seemed even more rowdy. Three of them were on the S-Bahn with us back to Spandau, yelling slogans about Erfurt and "The man who parts his hair on the side" 

I've searched the news for any sign that some riot broke out--nothing. Perhaps the cops succeded in keeping the kids at bay. 

Why you got to be so scary, East Germany?

Breaking up the toxins

On monday, I started the master cleanse. It went okay, until yesterday when Anna tempted me, like the devil she is, with her African chicken. I'm sure I'd still be on it, but she was like,

"Why are you torturing yourself? Just eat something! Come on!"

I gave in, and she made me a plate. But, I did lose 4 pounds... I guess that's something. Right now I'm waiting for the Salt water flush to kick in. Delicious. Healthy living! Once we get back to Berlin, I'm going to be all about healthy living.

I'm not really looking forward to coming back here again in a month and staying for a month. I try to tell Anna that her mom is just a constant nag, but she's used to it, so she doesn't see it. It's just pretty lame when Anna's 15-year-old nephew gets treated more like a grown-up than we do simply because he's a man. Alright, I better go turn the tv down and put some socks on before Ida loses her mind!

Taking everything into account

I forgot my password, and I could only retrieve in in German. As I was trying to read the German and figure out what to do, my mother-in-law came into our room carrying a chair and speaking German dialect with her heavy Russian accent. 

"I have no idea what you're saying," I said to her as she carried the chair to the corner of the room and set it down. 

She does this. She's not actually talking to me. She's just giving herself a play by play of what she's doing. If I were to translate it, it would sound something like:

"I have this chair and I'm carrying it to the corner of the bedroom. Now I'm standing on the chair and looking to see what's on top of Anna's closet. Edgar said he needed something, and I'm pretty sure I put it on here. After, I will step down off the chair-carefully, and I will call my daugther to gossip about what happened at Igor's today."

It was probably rude of me to even intrude on her reiteration of her tasks!